I don’t know if its wrong or not, but im currently on the lowest on my own guard. I lost control over things i always says that i know, i could, always, deal with.
Few backs earlier, in a rare horoscope discussion, my friend show me one of Libra’s Traits, on the exact of my date’s born, that i am a denial. Yet, nothing i ever lied about, except this.
I never told one how i feel. I only write it here. So i believe if someone read it, im no longer on that feeling, and what i wrote just become my piece of art. I always tell my self that i am that strong, that i still could go on with all whole my self, i still have a lot to achieve.
But today, where all of my guard is down, i dont know whether this is wrong or not. Im still on my very young age, i still have a lot of things await me over there. I should have been maintain my self, on keeping this self strong.
And maybe, this is what it means when im on my denial. This is the time where i tell my self that, i really need a new perspective other than mine.. i need one committed bonds to taught me on being responsible, not only for my self.
It feels lonely up here. Not that lonely. Yet, one night feels like forever. I always afraid if people see me on how vulnerable i am, they will interpret it as i regret to left all the people behind. Yet i always believe that every people who had crossed on my path was either a blessing or a lesson, and so far, all of them is my lesson.
Im not easy to impressed, maybe thats one of many things i need to change.. but i couldn’t end up on things that couldn’t give me a new fresh start, a whole new different point of view. So i could understand better, and enthusiast on things that do not belong to my world yet.
If i should write it here. I haven’t found a man with a good character, who can lead me for a new whole world and work together on it, one who always be there and goes on and believe in God, maybe it would be interesting to have one whose expertise is differ greatly than mine, who willing to live both here or overseas, and maybe who maintain and share the same vision as how we wanted our world works..
Maybe its right, that i am a denial, as how i finished write this, i feel much better, to acknowledge my own feeling, and what i really need..